With increasing inner experience, however, I realised that my mind was blocking my view of the essential through its own judgements and concepts. Due to its high speed, I was too driven and too tense to perceive what is behind. The only purpose of my life was to have a goal. With this attitude, I could not breathe freely. I was a proud rider on a racehorse that told me where to go and yet gave me the feeling that I was in control.
Over several years I had to unlearn many concepts, habits and imprints in order to learn to face the world with empty hands without guilt. Since I have been following the shamanic path, I have been living in a constant process of purification, always dying and touching my original being. I started to live more slowly and listen to life in a different way. More and more I touch the emptiness and learn to go beyond it.
If I imagine I know something, life generously lets me know that I actually know nothing. I have learned to pay attention to the signs. I trust the shamanic tools and gratefully experience how they keep stretching my boundaries. So I take my steps and learn to live in the not knowing.
I am an insecure, vulnerable being and humbly accept my humaness.