by Joshua

What is behind my actions?

If you want to find out what really drives you, then the intention behind your desires and actions are especially important. We often have learned our basic intention(s) since early childhood. We cannot change fundamentally from one day to the next - but we can so in the long term if we are willing to learn and to heal. Therefore, it is worthwhile for you to find out what really drives you in your life.

Examples of such drives are e.g.:

  • I do not want to show weaknesses
  • I do not want to make mistakes
  • I need control and security
  • I can’t stand true intimacy
  • I want to be competent
  • I would like to be recognised
  • I want to be special
  • I want to be different from my parents
  • I have to be better or more successful than others
  • I want to be left alone
  • I cannot stand negative moods
  • I would like to help

Such drivers make us do things that are contrary to our real selves. We then try to avoid situations we don’t like or deliberately avoid certain people. We look for an appropriate job and cultivate a circle of friends who support our drivers. This can still be a nice life, but it can also be very exhausting, because you always have to compulsively maintain this framework.

It looks different once you have recognised your basic drivers and you have learned to become aware of them in your life. You then have the freedom to show yourself as you really are and can react flexibly to life. The catch is that we cannot change our driving forces from one day to the other. Through our experiences, but above all through our fears, we have created structures that hold us firmly in their momentum.

How does our perception of life work? 

Let me explain this principle to you. Imagine that there are many small glasses of water around you. Each water glass symbolises an inner drive of yours, but it can also represent your memories and ways of thinking. In each glass there is now as much water as you have filled it within in your life. For example, a little lightness and humour, but also some ambition and a pinch of aloofness. This status represents your current state. No matter what you do in your life, the filled glasses - but also the unfilled glasses - will influence your decisions and actions.

However, every day you have the possibility to transfer a little bit of water with a small teaspoon. If you realise, for example, that the aloofness in your life rather hinders you and thus stands in the way of your Self, then you could start to open up a little every day and allow more openess. However, you cannot immediately become someone else and expect to walk through the world with open arms. If you expect that of yourself, you will only cause yourself pain. You will probably have filled a glass with “high expectations” or a glass with “I cannot accept myself”. It would be more supportive to start putting a teaspoon in the jar of “I lovingly embrace myself” and “I am happy that I exist”.

You see, we cannot escape our filled jars and thus our drivers in life. However, with patience and a loving approach to yourself, you can gradually refill the jars, living more what you really want to live and unfold your talents.

What jars have you filled in your life? 

I suggest you take some time for yourself and have a look at the water glasses you have filled in your life. Then feel inside yourself which glasses you would like to fill more and which you would prefer to fill less. See also why a different filling might be better for you and what this might ask from you.

It is best to write down your reflections. For each teaspoon, think about concrete steps in your life. They must be small steps that you can implement immediately – they are just teaspoons.

Now begin to fill the corresponding jars in your life with each day and be careful to not put anything more into the jars that you don’t want to fill anymore. Just a little bit every day, that’s all you have to do. Be loving to yourself.

It’s best to think about what you want to do with your teaspoon right after you get up.

Each day is so valuable to nourish our lives.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.


A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

Albert Einstein